Many people often ask me, “Mike, I’ve got this great idea for a new show and I want to pitch it, but… I’ve got these unsightly nose hairs.  What should I do?”

“Dammit, Jim!  I’m a writer, not a beautician!” I say, which makes me horribly depressed as I’ve always dreamed of working in a nail salon.  But being someone who’s done a fair amount of pitching (shows, balls, forks, fits, you name it), I may be able to offer a few tips for those of you desperate enough to be reading this:

 

DUCK, YOU SUCKER’S 10 TIPS ON DEVELOPING AND PITCHING YOUR VERY OWN SHOW!

 

 

 

  1. TRY NOT TO STINK:  Okay, you think you’ve got a great idea for a show, but do you?  Find someone that is old and jaded with your industry and get his or her opinion.  If you still feel good about it, proceed.

 

Sheila likes pina coladas, cozy fireplace nights and releasing a vile stench when threatened.

 

  1. AVOID THE ‘TIM BURTON SYNDROME’: Artists are notorious for this.  A cool ‘look’ does not a show make.  Spend some time actually writing and developing the story, the characters, and the world it takes place in.  Don’t force your good drawings into the show just because you want to use them.  Make good drawings that reinforce the ideas you are trying to get across.  If possible, hire a good writer to help you.  Like me!  I’m in the directory...

 

Management was concerned that Jonny might be taking advantage of ‘Casual Fridays’...

 

  1. BEFREIND THAT SPECIAL KINKO’S EMPLOYEE:  The people at Kinko’s are used to making business cards and lame flyers for corporate functions all day.  Dazzle them with your brilliance!  When you find one that’s really competent, ask for him/her by name.  They’ll take good care of you and your ridiculous, last minute needs.

 

Months of secretly rehearsing in the break room finally paid off.   The Kinko’s troupe was ready to take it on the road!

 

  1. LOOK PROFESSIONAL:  Remember, a pitch is a presentation.  All of your artwork should be on presentation board.  Something sturdy that won’t flop over when you’re holding it up to woo your audience.  ‘Leave-behinds’ should be bound with a front and back cover.  Margins should be equal on all sides of the pages.  I know it sounds anal, but your prospective buyer WILL see the tiny spot of white-out you used to cover that errant pen stroke and they will focus on it!  Make sure EVERYTHING is clean and consistent.

 

                         

            Yes                                  No                                    Yikes!

 

  1. BE PREPARED FOR DUMB QUESTIONS:  I once pitched to the head of development at a huge studio.  After my twenty minute dog and pony show, this person asked me, “So, what’s the first thing the main character does when he wakes up in the morning?”  I stared at him blankly for a few seconds and then answered, “Takes a leak?”

 

 

  1. BE PREPARED FOR DUMB QUESTIONS II:  This may come as a shock, but many development people at studios have absolutely no experience in art or creative writing!  Imagine that?  Pitching to someone who’s never drawn or written anything!  They have a degree in Marketing!  Who are they to judge your hard work?!  Get over yourself.  They are the filters to the people that do know and understand your craft.  Ply them with drugs and alcohol, but you didn’t hear that from me...

 

 

  1. STEAL BUMROLL FROM WORK:  This has nothing to do with development or pitching, but it’s sound economic advice for you starving artist types.

Behold the mighty bumroll.  Do you want to squeeze it?  Yes!  Yes you do!

 

  1. PRACTICE MAKES PERFECT:  Rehearse your pitch many times before you deliver it.  Even if it’s to your dog.  Few of us can sell a fridge to an Eskimo, but if you know your pitch inside and out, you will be comfortable presenting it.

 

After hearing him pitch ‘Fluffy Bear’s Adventures in the Land of Sparkle Honey’ for the 57th time, ‘Bootsy’ viciously leapt from the couch and ripped her masters throat out.

 

  1. BE PREPARED FOR SMART QUESTIONS:  Take a ‘glass is half empty’ approach to your idea and look for weaknesses in the story or characters.  These are open invitations for attack!  Have a snappy comeback ready to turn that ‘negative’ into a ‘positive’.  At the very least, if someone does dwell on a rough patch, nod your head graciously and fawn over the superior insight of the person you’re pitching to.  Then, key their car later in the parking lot when nobody’s looking...

 

   

“I’ll show them!  I’ll show them all!   BWAA, HA HA HA HA…!”

 

 

  1. DON’T GET DISCOURAGED:  Statistically, you have a greater chance of getting rectal cancer than selling a show.  Beat the stats!  If one show fails, create another.  And another.  Keep making your rounds.  Development people change faster than I change my underwear.  You can pitch to the same studio or network several times without pitching to the same person twice.  Remember, all it takes is one ‘Yes’ and you’re off and running.  Good luck!

 

The pressures of writing animation sent Mike into a downward spiral of debauchery and decadence!

 

NEWS / MAIN